The Secret Life of Socks

You know I’m a multi-talented dog, I have so many talents in fact I’m not even sure I know what they all are. Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to say that babysitting, is not one of my talents, especially wee dogs and especially wee nippy dogs named Lilly. Don’t get me wrong she’s ok in small doses, but when she eats my dinner and steals my sock, then that’s when enough is enough. I mean a man’s socks are his calling card; the intensity of odour is directly proportional to a dogs’ alpha status. So you can empathise with me when she tries to strip me of my well earned sock.

Let me tell you about socks, they don’t just drop out of the sky (well sometimes they do) or grow on trees, you have to hunt them like small rodents. They hide in peculiar places, they’re shy creatures and if you approach them too quickly, they screw up into small balls of sock, this happens predominantly to male socks. Also, male socks are definitely pack animals, they stick together, and they even sometimes get into the washing machine that way if you are not vigilant about checking each one.

Female socks however, are solitary creatures, choosing to wander the world alone.They are much more elusive, and my goodness it’s tough to catch a female sock, they hide in baskets and draws and are never seen out in the open.

There is the ultimate of all socks though, the Guru, that is teenage male sock. Wow, if you get one of them, you are THE dog! You would be led to believe they are easy to catch due to their intense body odour. In some respects you would be right, when you spot one they are easy to catch. They are confident creatures and are not afraid to spend time out in the open .They often graze in groups, and having one as a lookout. Their odour is easily detectable even at distance. These socks however are territorial and they ‘ruck’ for dominance. They frequently show scars of battle and have huge chunks of their flesh missing especially around the toes and heels. What makes them elusive is that they often stay in captivity with a human for much longer periods of time, sometimes up to a week or more before being released to the laundry room.